Lularoe Vortex... My dreams realized.

Yep, I got I sucked into the Lularoe clothing vortex. I mean, their leggings are magical and I love their dresses. Basically my dream clothing company. Wild, colorful prints in skirts, dresses, leggings and shirts? YES PLEASE!! You guys, they have Sassy leggings, as in BIGFOOT leggings, and I have them. That's right, I have leggings with Sassy peaking around from behind tress all over them and I love them. Don't you dare judge me.

Yes, I have had a few sizing issues with different fabrics fitting differently, but you've got to learn to ask questions and after you have (far too many) new clothes, you start to know what fits you better than others. Also, this company is awesome for the fact that is really has a super wide range of sizes to fit pretty much every woman's body. So many women feeling confident in their clothes and inspired by other woman and not caring what other people think. Although, my motto is always cover the booty when wearing leggings, no matter how cute they are. That's my own thing for me, but you're going to do what you want.

Comfortable, adorable, limited prints, pretty reasonable prices for what you are getting. I've only had to return ONE item in the probably near 60 pieces of LLR I own and that is because the color was horrendous. My closet is turning into a LLR showroom. It's kind of ridiculous, but I also love it.

All this to say... I need to stop shopping. Maybe I need to get out of the million LLR groups I'm in on Facebook... that's a start. But really, does someone want to do an intervention??

Send a note.

What has happened to handwritten letters, cards or love notes. They do still exist, right? I am a real pen to paper kind of lady. I love having a planner, as opposed to using my phone to keep track of everything. Why? Because it seems more real and I find I remember things better if I write them down. Once I type something into my phone, I usually forget it. If I enter an appointment, I, 80% of the time, forget to set an alert for it, so I forget it anyway. I went to the dentist last week and they said, "How do you like to receive your appointment reminders: text, email or phone?" Well, my answer didn't seem to matter since the week prior I received a text, an email AND a phone call. That is all fine, but it was a WEEK prior to my appointment, so I had to still write myself a sticky note and leave it on my computer so I would remember. Nonsense.

Who writes letters anymore? I love sending people cards. I mean, who doesn't love receiving a handwritten card?! Make someones day and send them a card, or a letter, just because. I guarantee you will make their day. And everyone needs their day made now and then. 

Also, instead of just sending a kissy face emoji to your other half, leave them a little note. Nothing crazy. But seriously, that goes a long way. Doing something that seems out of the norm and out of your way in this technological world just seems to mean more to me. Don't get me wrong, I love a good emoji-filled text (so please don't stop sending me those! :) But fill your heart and others with simple pen to paper once in awhile. 

I'm all about making people know they are loved and cared about and you never know what small act could do to make someones life so much better, even if only for a minute. 

Smiling Through the Tears.

Well, in the spirit of being transparent, here goes nothing! The last year has been extremely difficult for me. Probably the most difficult time in my life thus far. I have really been struggling with so much and trying to navigate through my grief after the death of my sweet friend, Grace. Everything that could happen, happened. I have never felt so lost in all my life. BUT, through so much time and thought, patience, therapy and help, I am slowly getting my life back. My control. You never really understand how fully you were gone until you come back to reality. I have learned so much about myself, how strong I am and to never let anyone or anything take that away from me. I am in control of my happiness and my strength and I will never forget that. One huge thing that has helped me along the way? I celebrate everything. I get so excited to drop clothes off at the dry cleaners, do my laundry, clean my apartment. These are small tasks I no longer have to have on my mind and I can cross it off my to-do list in my planner. Making my bed? Nailed it! All of these things, that may seem so small, were consuming my brain and my life and I was so overwhelmed I could not make a simple decision... AT ALL. It was ridiculous and consumed every part of my being.

Therapy has been life changing for me. LIFE CHANGING! To talk to someone who knows nothing about me other than what I tell them allows me to be completely open and ME. No judgment. I was always interested in therapy, but didn't realize how much it could truly help me see the best in myself and learn how to navigate through the tough times better, to love myself more completely, get my control back, be strong and confident in my decisions and just better all around.

I have started to go to the gym again and am loving it! This is just one piece of becoming a better me, but it is a game changer. I've always known this, but I needed to get back to it on my terms, in my way, and here I am, loving working out again and loving myself again. No one can make me a better person or feel better about myself or make me happy. That starts with ME. Realizing that you might not be as in control and happy as you can be or want to be is tough to admit. But, it is important. Through all the tears, there is now a smile.

Just take it 5 minutes at a time, one task at a time. It helps, it truly does.

Grief? I do not know how to navigate through you...

On October 11, 2015 one of my closest childhood friends committed suicide. No matter what anyone is going through, you never think this will happen. Her death has devastated me and changed so much in my life. I miss her everyday. It has been over 2 months since her death and I am still trying to navigate through my feelings and grief. I have had death in my family and death of family friends, but this was different. Maybe it is because of the circumstances surrounding her death, the unanswered questions, or the guilt I feel for not doing enough, I am not entirely sure. But I do know that my dear friend was 32 years young and is not here on this earth to experience anything new with her daughter, family, friends. I am here, living my life, experiencing new things and she is gone. She is a constant in my heart and mind, but some days are harder than others when the reality hits me. I know that so many navigate through grief on a daily basis, taking it "5 minutes at a time" (as my friend would say), and I am navigating through my grief at my pace, my way. I know missing her will never get easier, I just wish I could give her one last hug and tell her I'm there for her one more time. I miss you my sweet Grace, so much. You are so, so missed and loved by so many!

I lost you... I found you..

Lately I have remembered why I loved blogging so much. Because, this is me talkng to you (or anyone who will listen. Anyone??) about stupid crap (celebtrity nonsense/awesomeness) and other important things to me. This is my outlet, this is fun for me and over the last year I forgot about what this meant to me. So, I know I say this often, I am BACK! I want to write about things that I would love to read about!

So, today I am sitting on a bus to DC to visit my friend, Amy, and catching up on things. First of all 1.) Buses have outlets AND wifi?!? Crazytown and spectacular! 2)Why have I not taken the bus sooner? I mean $25 from NYC to DC? Is that a joke? I will def. be doing this in the future. Big money saver and hey, I'm writing on my blog and catching up on teambeachbody coaching stuff, so I am being productive:) 3) I am a nerd and have to wear my motion sickness wrist bands on the bus. Yep, you heard right. Those ugly, huge wrist bands. Even if it is a psychological thing for me to not feel sick, I don't care, it makes me not throw up, so thanks wrist bands!

Oh, and I have been dominating my workouts and loving my life, like BIG TIME! Until next time. Here's a YAHTZEE for the road:)

My Health/Fitness Journey and Journey back to ME!

Hey hey hey!! I am coming back to my blog!! But, wanted to let you know what has had most of my attention the last year!!! Enjoy:) 

In June 2012 I decided I needed a change. I NEEDED to get healthy, but more importantly, I WANTED to get healthy. I had reached 220 pounds, size 18/XL and am now 50+ pounds and 40+ inches smaller and a size 10/M. With my weight gain I would just wear too tight of clothes or buy bigger ones, not really caring what size I was . I was unhappy. I was a smoker, I was extremely unhealthy. I had ended up in the hospital with a kidney infection and then 6 months later with pneumonia. The day I got pneumonia (3/7/12) I quit smoking and never looked back. In May I got a serious throat infection and knew that my health was going downhill, and fast. People had mentioned things to me about being overweight and unhealthy and I just kept saying  “I know, I will get there”. I really didn’t realize how important that moment in my life would be. The moment I REALIZED that I was extremely overweight and unhealthy and needed to do something about it. I was ready, FOR ME. My longtime friend Dennis was a beachbody coach (and now mine) and kept calling me and telling me about this “crazy Insanity workout”. I kept tell him “yeah, yeah, ok, pish posh”. Little did I know that his friendly nagging would lead me towards the most rewarding thing that has ever happened in my life. I ordered Insanity. I will never forget calling Dennis and telling him I was ready to order. I think he was shocked. But mostly, he asked, “are you SURE you are ready for this? Insanity is CRAZY!” I said, “Yes, I am SO READY. I need something drastic to kick my booty into gear, and I think this is it. I am committed.” That was it. Insanity came in the mail and I started the next Monday. 

On the Sunday before I started I took my before pictures and measurements. That was the biggest shock of my life. I had NO IDEA how out of control my weight had gotten. I had avoided full length mirrors whenever possible and just did not have a clue how far off I had gone.  I was more motivated than ever to tackle Insanity and get my life back! Once I started Insanity I felt so good about myself and what I was accomplishing and seeing the weight and inches drop and realizing what I was capable of and that I COULD DO IT. It was an emotional awakening. Who had I become? Where was the runner/volleyball player/skier/hiker/active Hannah? No anywhere to be found. I had become so unhappy with who I was and NEVER realized that. Until I knew how good I felt about what I was doing for me and my body. It changed me, it changed how I viewed myself and what I wanted my future to be. I never knew that a workout program could do that for me, that I DID that for me. 

Whoa. Shaun T kicked my booty. He kicks everyone’s booty! I was an official ADDICT about 3 weeks in. After the 2 week hump of “I don’t think I am going to make it out alive, I can’t do this” I was on fire. I never missed a workout for my first round. 6 days a week I was busting my butt, up early and sweating like a maniac. In my first round I lost 20 pounds and 20 inches. I did a second round (with a one week break in between) and lost another 20 pounds and several inches with the help of Shakeology as well. Shakeology really helped take my health and fitness to the next level and helps me daily as my healthiest meal of the day and also to maintain my weight. It really has transformed my nutrition and gives me way more energy to get through the crazy workouts, and that is awesome! This was the most rewarding, and most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. Both mentally and physically I was challenged. I had triumphs and meltdowns. Yeah, I cried. Putting your body through something so crazy (and awesome) and seeing that YOU ARE capable of doing something so difficult and amazing is awesome to experience and often that is when I had my meltdowns. Realizing that I made the choice, I put in the work and I DID IT! There was one workout where I had to do power push ups in my second month of round 1 of Insanity. The week before I could only do about 2 and horrible form. I did 10 of them in a row with great form. I had to stop my workout because I was crying so hard because I was so proud of what I had just done. Something I never thought possible. I was becoming a different person, physically and mentally and so strong!! I feel like I can conquer anything I set my mind to and now have the renewed confidence to do so. 

My motivation grew when I became a Team Beachbody Coach in September 2012. When I became a coach, my life changed even more than I thought possible. I have a family of teammates and coaches that are amazing and they inspire and motivate me daily. I would be lost without them! Helping people achieve their goals and working towards the same goals together is amazing and such an incredible experience. Going through your journey knowing that you are accountable to people and knowing that we are all in this together is so incredibly awesome and motivating. Again, without my coach family and teammates, I would be lost. We keep eachother going! So much support, so much love. It is amazing. 

After my 2 rounds of Insanity I began Les Mills Body Combat and lost about 10 pounds and a couple inches, but gained so much muscle definition and strength! Who knew all that kicking and punching would produce awesome muscles!! I then dabbled in Body Beast and continued doing Combat and Insanity. I am now in my second week of Shaun T’s Focus T25 and LOVING it! 25 minutes a day, a total sweatathon! After every program I complete I cannot wait to start a new one (or do a second round) I am addicted to fitness and staying healthy and on track. It is now so important to me and my biggest priority. I need this, FOR ME. I love working out, I truly do. I was not sure I would ever be able to say that again! Insanity will always be my soul mate workout and will always have a special place in my heart because it literally changed my life. When I meet Shaun T, I will undoubtedly start crying. 

I am continually reminded that to embark on a health/fitness (or any change/journey) YOU have to want it. No one can make you want it. You may need it, but you have to be ready and want the change, otherwise you will not succeed. I truly believe this. It takes dedication, commitment and pride. You will fall, you will cry, scream, curse, laugh, smile. It will be hard, you will have to work your booty off. You need to be proud of yourself. You need to celebrate every victory (every inch and pound). This is what keeps me going. I am so proud of where I have become and so grateful to so many people for supporting me. I made the change and I am living proof that it can be done!

Brrr...

Brrr, It's cold in here! There must be some Toros in the atmosphere. I kid, I kid. This post is not about Bring It On. It's Fall and I'm cold. It was 75 on Friday and today it was 55.  Yowza! I had to put my flannel sheets on today. To be honest, I am actually pretty excited about about that fact. I LOVE flannel sheets! So soft and cozy and warm. But, it makes it increasingly difficult to get out bed, which is not good.

The leaves are really changing, which is always magical. I feel like so much is going to happen before the end of the year and I'm hoping it will all be positive. I am dominating Insanity and cannot wait to do a third round when I'm done with this round. Season's changing, mind changing. Loving life:)