Smiling Through the Tears.

Well, in the spirit of being transparent, here goes nothing! The last year has been extremely difficult for me. Probably the most difficult time in my life thus far. I have really been struggling with so much and trying to navigate through my grief after the death of my sweet friend, Grace. Everything that could happen, happened. I have never felt so lost in all my life. BUT, through so much time and thought, patience, therapy and help, I am slowly getting my life back. My control. You never really understand how fully you were gone until you come back to reality. I have learned so much about myself, how strong I am and to never let anyone or anything take that away from me. I am in control of my happiness and my strength and I will never forget that. One huge thing that has helped me along the way? I celebrate everything. I get so excited to drop clothes off at the dry cleaners, do my laundry, clean my apartment. These are small tasks I no longer have to have on my mind and I can cross it off my to-do list in my planner. Making my bed? Nailed it! All of these things, that may seem so small, were consuming my brain and my life and I was so overwhelmed I could not make a simple decision... AT ALL. It was ridiculous and consumed every part of my being.

Therapy has been life changing for me. LIFE CHANGING! To talk to someone who knows nothing about me other than what I tell them allows me to be completely open and ME. No judgment. I was always interested in therapy, but didn't realize how much it could truly help me see the best in myself and learn how to navigate through the tough times better, to love myself more completely, get my control back, be strong and confident in my decisions and just better all around.

I have started to go to the gym again and am loving it! This is just one piece of becoming a better me, but it is a game changer. I've always known this, but I needed to get back to it on my terms, in my way, and here I am, loving working out again and loving myself again. No one can make me a better person or feel better about myself or make me happy. That starts with ME. Realizing that you might not be as in control and happy as you can be or want to be is tough to admit. But, it is important. Through all the tears, there is now a smile.

Just take it 5 minutes at a time, one task at a time. It helps, it truly does.